My name rhymes with Rhizzie.
Biology/Anthropology major, I drive a green cephalopod, my best friends are Neanderthals.
I made an old lady blush today at work because she ordered two senior coffees and I said “SENIOR ? I’m sorry miss, i’m going to have to ask to see some ID.” and she covered her mouth and went “Oh dear me” and couldn’t stop smiling
I PUT THE HOUSECAT OUTSIDE FOR TWO GODDAMN MINUTES AS A JOKE AND HE COMES RUNNING IN WITH A SNAKE IN HIS MOUTH
OH SHIT THE SNAKE IS STILL ALIVE
THE SNAKE HAS GONE INTO THE LAUNDRY ROOM AND IM ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS
SNAKE HAS BEEN RELEASED IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD IN A PANICKED, THROWING MOTION
"Fucking put me outside again, bitch. See what happens." -My Asshole Cat
someone is trying to convince me that the name ‘glen’ is short for ‘glenjamin’ and i cant stop laughing
do you ever get those pangs of anxiety where you feel like nobody likes you and nobody will ever like you and you will achieve nothing
my dad after watching the end of inception (via pemsylvania)